To new Beginnings...

As tough as it may seem at times, new beginnings is always a positive way to turn your life around and make it worth every second.

From a 4 year long term relationship, to broken relationships, to long distant non - workable relationships, I find myself in limbo land wondering where to from here on out...?

It's weird how we tend to give too much of ourselves so quickly, hoping its what was set out or meant to be for us, only to realise half way through the journey that it was all just a hoax. That's probably the biggest part of the heartache and one of many bigger life lessons learnt in the process.

The question that always remains after the big term 'ITS OVER NOW' is where to from here. Your mind is puzzled and all fuzzled with decisions spiralling out of control like a roller coaster ride that has no ending. You think to yourself what is it that went wrong, when in actual fact it was never you to begin with.

To simplify: It's like a preacher that comes to you and bestows all these blessings and wishes upon your life promising life to be perfect and full of prospering growth - but in the end not even half of these wishes are fulfilled, because they just wanted to get you into a space of where they were, and live their dream of holliness. That is their dream, and might not be yours at all, but they make you think it's what's best for you at the time...

I'm not saying its wrong, but its always the way in which you bestow or say things to another person that allows you to think everything will be fine and perfect and happy ever after, and forget we are all individuals and all have a different perspective of life.

Same with men - they sculpt a picture that looks all happy and happy and more happiness, only to find out in the end it was in their best interest for you to assist them in fulfilling their dream, and you were just a prop at the time to satisfy that fantasy or dream.

U think you never ever learn, but you do, even it takes you ten times to make the same mistake, you do realise it eventually and become the better and stronger person. Take the good and bad that came from your experience.

Today I begin a new chapter in my life, and reflect upon 2011 and what it has taught me about living my life for me, and not for the next person. Sounds selfish hey.. I know but in this day and age, you and only you hold the keys to your complete happiness. If you happy from within, you don't need anyone else to please you. A companion is always wonderful, but remember he can't always make you happy, but ultimately its up to you to discover that inner core of happiness that shines from within!

I hope this made you feel stronger.

Have an awesome Monday my sisters and misters,

Ciao Bella :)

Mish Dish

I'm taking my heart back... and I'm not looking back!

Oh love, love, love... where for art though love? Maybe a lover?... or and In-Lover?... Nope, just where is my love!

Heart, heart, heart... where for art my heart?... Maybe stolen, beaten, bruised and unattended to?... Spot on!

Well, today I've decided to take my heart back and hold it close to me for a while, before I allow my heart to be stolen, and taken advantage of again. Its taken me a long while to realize this, but like with everything else, this was a major WAKEY WAKEY CALL FOR ME!

LESSON LEARNED:Its OK to fall in love with someone, just remember not to set your heart on him/her because they might just be sent you for a certain time period in your life, and then you have to let them go. I know, its sounds very cruel and heartless to at one glance, fall in love, experience feelings and adventures you've never experienced, and all of sudden you just have to give it all up.

Well trust me, it happens... just ask me! I fell in love, met a guy that complemented me if every sense, so much, he stole my heart, from top to bottom, left to right, up and down lol. He made me smile, laugh again and just re-discover my inner core of who I was again.

It was as if an angel was sent to me and fulfilled all my wishes that I once upon a time wished for in my life.

As soon as he had fulfilled his purpose, he was snatched away from in a blink of an eye, like flashlight. The funny thing is, as much as we tried to work on it, it would just back-fire every time, one backlog and hiccup, one after the other.

The sad realization is that in the end, I was left to fend on my own, with no heart :(
After the realization, I knew I had to let go... and I have, and with that I got my heart back as well.

If you shared a similar experience, I hope this will help you to move on and reclaim your heart.. after all --- its your dam HEART!

Have an awesome Weekend!

Until next time
Chow Bella :)

The Changes in our lives ...

Life has its funny wonderous ways of teaching us many lessons through the upheavils and times of darkness as well as times of happyiness; either way during those times, it is imperative to observe how you as the individual are becoming either wiser, or backwards, but theres always change.

Many people try and avoid the fact that change is all around us, and as much as we try to divert away from that fact, you can't avoid it for much longer or it will eat you up.

I'm not saying you have to change your ways,habbits, rituals or belief systems, all I ask of you is to be aware of the change that is taking place, and if this change appeals to you, grasp and learn from it, and if not, you may reject it. But the main concept of it all is not to live in slumber and watch the world move forward while you are still at the same place where you were ten years ago, because that seems to be the attitude amongst a lot of black and coloured vicinities. WHY WHY WHY?

Could it be the low energy density in Cape Town or a mindset? Both play an important role, but in order to get through this life, one needs to be a fighter and never give up, hence change your mindset and to always have a back-up plan.

Fear is at our all feet all the time, but through change you can decide to rise above and defeat fears, and once you've dealt with fear, you can focus on you and building you as a person and what you stand for in this world.

Change is here, so if you want that change... MAKE THAT CHANGE, NEVER TOO LATE TO START OVER!!!

I hope I could inspire you today.

Until next time...

Ciao Bella :)
Mish.Dish

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

As with every women, we all succumb to needs that we cannot satisfy ourselves. Then their comes a time in your life when you feel completed fulfilled and happy, and then suddenly what you feel starts to fade out, not because you stopped loving or being in love, but more because the opposite party decided to retract and kind of do what they want then they want... and that's where the problem always starts.

How can you expect two people to have a common ground when 90% of time , you are the one putting in the effort, communicating effectively, being there for that someone in time of need, yet you don't feel you getting anything in return. You then reach a point of being drained out of exhaustion because you put your all into this partnership... question is, when is it enough?

On the one hand, you feel its pointless pursuing something that is headed to nomadic and sadic end, so why prolong the inevitable? Well, that's where my weakness resurfaces every time, I think I have too much hope and expectation of people, I forget what my expectations were in the first instance and why I decided to take that leap.

Mmmmm, I won't lie to you, but this is a tough decision, because in breaking a chain, you have to deal with what was created and nourished, the love and bond that transpires with getting to know someone, growing with that person, then all of a sudden smack bam, it has to come to and end.

One must never put one's happiness aside to accommodate and nurture your partners happiness. All it does is create frustration and you end up hating that person more because you wanted to pursue it, knowing you had the choice to end it, heal and move on.

At this stage, anger and fury still lingers in me, but I think I know what I have to do in order to deal and be happy again.

Until next time... Chow Bella :)

To be heartless... or full of heart...

Why is it that people who cross paths with us are never as we make them out to be in the first instance...? Like how much anger and pain does it take any human being to become heartless and ruthless person?

I've been hurt, one too many times, yet when an opportunity arises to love, I love completely and not selfishly. But then you find people who place guards up to protect their heart, in order never to be hurt again by the opposite sex. Whats-up with that though?

Yes, so people can hurt you over and over and over again, thereby breaking your heart, but think of all the love you are able to receive if you just allow yourself to feel again? The best feeling in life is that robust of warmth in your heart, knowing someone out there really cares and loves you for who you are, and doesn't judge or need status to complete what you share as individuals.

But here's the glitch... what if the person is too scared allow himself to love again whole heartedly, then you in return, are faced with a cold heartless person, who puts up their guards when they feel like love is starting to consume them? Then, the one who is releasing all the love one could possibly wish for, will possibly hurt more than the heartless person... so are heartless people then out there just to hurt and be selfish? And is it a safer detour just to be heartless, therefore know feelings could ever really, honesty, truely develop?

I don't know, you figure it out, because I'm still figuring that one out.

I am who I am, and I am full of love, and will continue to spread my unconditional love to the world!

Until next time

Chow Bella :)

Do you ever really forget????

The whole creation of life and being on earth can be very complicated and construed sometimes, especially the part of experiencing heart-ache and pain and wondering if you'll ever get over it.

I'm writing this because I don't know how to reach out to someone who has once consumed my heart completely. I've realised that life has to go on and that broken promises are not worth waiting on. Now that its over, he's life is falling apart and here I'm still standing and feeling completely guilty and responsible for his life.

Heart-ache is the Mutha- Fusher, but the only way to heal from it is to reside and feel what needs to be felt, experience each heart broken- ness and grow from it.

I've come to realise sometimes that we have to make the crudest decisions in life, even though it was never the intention of hurting someone else, because we all have paths we are destined for and by allowing people to hold you back from it is just unhealthy.

This is my wish and prayer to you: I hope that you can find it your heart some day to forgive me for hurting you this way, but know that it was done out of pure and good reason and nothing else. All I ever wanted for you was to be the best that you could be, and now that I'm gone, you seem to have no hope inside of you. I pray that your guardian angels and Arch-angel Micheal will help and guide you in the right path, now that I'm not there anymore.

Remember that what we've shared, it will always be there, never to be forgotten, a remembrance of the good times and not the bad, but I think its time we move on and see where that pot of gold is waiting for us?

I wish you the best for your future endeavours and hope that you will come back onto the right path soon.

Until next time... Ciao Bella

The Best moments in life are free.

1 February 2011@ 11.45pm

It’s the things that reside closest to our hearts that are most memorable, unforgettable, laughable and most importantly cherish-able. These are the moments in our life when we share memories and ideas with the people dear and closest to you, or just random people who brighten your day.

With that said, all the things that make us happy comes form within, and not money or wealth could necessarily fill those gaps when it comes to happiness.

SO what is my point to all of this, well I had one of those crazy- mad- hilarious -fun and entertaining night with a dear friend that’s close to me. This was one of those nights where anything and everything that could possibly go wrong… went wrong!!! But it was all fun and laughs, until he dropped me off at home and his car wouldn’t start. Well, I didn’t quite know this until I was almost in my house…

I was just about to close my front door, and suddenly, I hear this jerking sound and if I’m not mistaken, the ignition of a car going off but not hearing any car starting up. Then I realized that it was my friend whose car wouldn’t start.

One thing you have to understand is that I stay in a close, meaning there are houses all around the road, hence close proximity to noise would or could awake me fellow neighbors. But let’s cut to the chase… due to the watch dogs in my road, they were not very familiar with a new person in funny car, therefore began to bark, and like wild fire, they awoke the rest of the neighborhood dogs… people, you cannot even begin to fathom the craziness that was taking place in my road …lovl.. and this early hours of the morning.

So picture this: a guy pushing his car back and fourth then hopping back into his car and start it up lol. Arrr, I know… I felt bad, and then eventually I rocked up and decided to pitch in. Just to add to the scandal as he jumped out of his car… Wham Bam*%$^#@R$%^%^.. Kaaa-baaah- knocks his head on the sharp edge of the door.. EINA!!!! I couldn’t help myself but to burst out laughing.

Anyway, then he went along giving me instructions how to start up the car and me trying to comprehend all of this at 2.00am the morning. My tummy was literally in stitches but what I enjoyed most that we eventually got the car started, worked as a team and had no hard feelings. There was no Ego tripping or name calling because you were either too stupid or dump to comprehend, it was just making the most of the situation and what a better way that through laughter and smiles. I laughed, he laughed, we made a spectacle, but what the heck, that’s what makes my life that interesting and entertaining at the end of the day.

To conclude my story, I wouldn’t trade a memory like last night for something material, because material things are there to use and once they’ve served there purpose you throw them away and find a replacement; whereas moments and memories are constant reminders of things that make us both happy and sad, but the happy ones are the best ones.

I know this was a long one, but I hope I have inspired you to always cherish the fun and priceless moments in life.

Until I next time… Chow Bella :)

Mish.Dish

People and their EGO's...

In life we all have needs and satisfactions we would like to satisfy some or other time, but sometimes we tend to run away with our thoughts and feelings and when you look again, its your ego talking to yourself without you even being aware of it. In my past experience, I have come across people who always seek to blame someone else for their short comings, but that in fact was just their ego speaking to them. I’m still young and learning every day, and today I learned that if you seek some satisfaction from someone else and expect them to fulfil, deep down you are not complete within yourself. Their appears to be hidden cracks that we are not aware of until we look at the situation from a different point of view, this is when we will notice how selfish it is of us to have expectations of other people when we ourselves cannot complete or satisfy our inner expectations.

I have managed to identify with the following pointers that assist me in not allowing my Ego to control my thoughts and my actions:

1 Your Ego seeks to control
When you are always rolling the ball in the game and not allowing someone else a chance to roll the ball, it’s your Ego busy intervening. A good example would be being in a relationship where you are always making decisions in the relationship and never have a compromise, because according to you, it satisfies you inner Ego which is wrong because a relationship is all about compromising and giving each other equal rights to make decisions. It’s the same when you swap the scenario around by just accepting things and allowing the partner to make all the choices, and that is unhealthy in my opinion.

2 – Your Ego seeks approval
This is when you become needy and try to feed off people’s energies and constantly need reassurance of being loved and taken care of. Once again this is your ego talking to you. Instead, you should try and identify your weaknesses and seek ways to overcome whereby you satisfy yourself. That way, you are not seen as a needy person who can’t stand for him or herself and constantly need people to reassure their love for you.

3- Your Ego seeks to judge
This is a very common characteristic we as individuals attain when we meet people for the first time. We judge them, but often our judgement about them are wrong because we don’t really know that person, so who are we to judge? We judge for many reasons like protection of the self, and your Ego when we think we a better than others, when we all fall under the same description... human beings.

4- Pride
One’s pride is like playing with fire. One minute you are poor, the next you become very wealthy and forget where you actually come from. Your pride kicks in and you begin to look down upon poor people and forget that you were once their too, but you brain wash yourself into thinking you were never really poor. I won’t lie but I never liked to associate myself with Afrikaans children at my school because I thought they were wild children and had no sense of value and norms. But I was proved wrong when we went on our prefect camp and I saw students who were shared the exact same goals and passions, and from that day onwards I don’t try and judge someone immediately.

All these characteristics form apart of who we are, its just a matter of being aware and controlling your ego surges, and try to fill any emptiness inside of you with happiness and laughter.

Until next time.. Chow Bela 

Jealousy makes you nasty... :(

Today has been a very frustrating morning for me as I had lots on my mind and things I needed to get off my chest, but for some or other reason it always seems to come out the wrong way... DAM!!!!

It's like trying to tell someone in a nice way that there's a booger(aka snot) in there nose but you just don't know no how, but if you don't tell them, then it bugs you the whole freaking time until you or someone else tells that someone... So lets just say this how my story goes, but a tad bit in depth.

Ok... how do I put this in words? This is so hard because I feel like an absolute nut after my actions, but if I didn't say anything it would have eaten me alive, so what was I suppose to do?

Like most of us all know, Blackberry with its BBM and many other social network applications is busy taking over the world, and is the new fad in cell phones and its going to be booming for a while I see, and... well I don't have Blackberry and due to these phones I felt left out, which I shouldn't have felt... but I did, and now that I have spoken out, my actions just made me feel bleh!!! But I was just being honest, to my friends and myself.

SO yes, I got a bit jealous because other people could BBM with each other and mixt together and I couldn't, and by my jealousy acting out, friends were affected by this and I feel horrible. Was it really just my jealousy acting out, or was I actually genuine by saying you need to know where to draw the line. Maybe me liking someone had more to do with it, and the fact that I like to be paid attention to. I mean its normal to be jealous right... arr now I'm feeling even more SH**TIer.




I just feel like hibernating and never be seen again!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR (busy clenching my teeth and lips, with a big sigh...)

..................................................... I'm sorry..................... but if I didn't tell you, it would just have killed my whittle voice inside.



Mish.Dish

Withdrawal Symptoms…of L

I guess we’ve all experienced withdrawal symptoms of some sort like: not smoking for weeks your body begins to crave the nicotine, or smoking weed, and you become moody and crabby because this substance that was once there to satisfy a need has been taken away without any substitution.

Where am I going with this… well, have you ever had withdrawal symptoms of love. One moment you’re in this whirlpool of scattered love and affection, and the next absolute silence and starvation from it. It’s like you won the lottery, but you then lose your ticket and you can’t believe that it’s gone…arrrrrr :(

So my question is how does one substitute an overwhelming feeling of butterflies zooming in your tummy, endless laughing and smiling, and endless sharing and caring, touching, smooching and hugging, absorbing and exchanging each others fragrant scents and bodily heat?… shhhu that’s was a mouthful.




The first day without it is like a cringe that won’t leave your stomach, because what was once tummy butterflies, is now an empty stomach that waiting to be fed. And the missing part.. OMG the missing has to be the cherry on top. Knowing that person is there, but saddening knowing you cannot have any access or contact with this person until further notice.

How have I dealt with it? Well, I’m writing down my thoughts right now, what I would be saying to this person, and just allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling and feeling OK feeling what I’m feeling hahahaha if that makes any sense.

It’s weird and amazing how the heart grows fonder and yonder the longer the days, hour’s minutes, seconds go by… tick tock, hickery dock…lol. Honestly this is very hard for me because I’ve never met someone who would sacrifice time out just so that I can sort my life out. He’s special, a keeper indeed, but we’ll have to see if this keeper wants to keep me… (Crossing my fingers)

Oh well, enough said, hope I have enlightened and eased those withdrawal symptoms a little bit.

Until next time… Chow Bella!

Xoxo… Mish.Dish :)

Gestures of Love and Hate!

Last night, 15 Jan, 2011, it came to my attention how important gestures are. As you know, a gesture is a form of non-verbal communication, and its always interpreted in many different ways, depending on your cultures as well as where in the world you come from.

And its funny how we project ourselves using gestures of hate and love and not even knowing it. I am in admiration for those who spread gestures of love as it emits and lights up a room, sending off a positive sense of love, feeling and affection to your partner, using only forms of non-verbal-nism. If expressed in an act of true love, one immediately picks up these energies and somehow it spreads to those who share love or are in-love with their partners. It's an amazing feeling... yeah I've felt it. I am totally besotted with gestures of love, and God could not have created anything else this special as being able to express oneself only using your mind, body and soul. ooooh I'm getting tingling feelings now hahaha.

Then on the flip-side, are the gestures of hate. Its such a crude and rude way of expressing oneself especially when you enter a new environment of people and the welcoming of your presence is not that forthcoming. You immediately tense up in your shoulders, as you endure the 'if looks could kill, I would be six feet under' gesture. All that is needed are your facial gestures, especially eyes that daunt down at you expressing thoughts of 'who the F**K are you, and what the F***k you doing here?'.

In a nutshell, that is how powerful gestures are, especially when you go about throwing them around randomly without giving thought of what you are actually doing.

Morale of gestures, when you love someone, don't hold back how you feel, show it. Kiss , Love, Feel, Touch, Smile, Laugh, and know that actions speak the loudest and it shows much more than thought out words. Mmm... but as far as Hate gestures go, I guess one may show his/ emotions when angry, but try not to enforce any type of abuse towards your partner, because then that gesture of anger turns into a violent act which and that is never a good thing.

I think I should've made my heading gestures of love rather hey?... Anyway, here is a quote of love, that should keep you pondering and on your toes for a while.


"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine



Have an awesome day... Chow Bella :)

How much is Enough?

Mmmm… I’ve been trying to get my head over and under the whole concept of being with someone and knowing if you should or should not give all, or how much is needed to create a recipe out of ingredients and ensuring it comes out maniafique?

Its weird how people enter in and out of your life leaving a tattoo of remembrance and experience, yet I always try to figure it out before it figures me out… and then it come flying back to hit my ass because of over analyzing my situation… if that makes any sense. I hate it if people are able to figure me out before I have even begun figuring them out… I mean am I really that transparent.. or maybe just handing myself out too quickly to people.

Yes, I guess it’s all a learning curve we go through, but how does one enjoy something with someone, not wanting to move fast, yet still finding that imbalance of crazy summer loving. Its hits you with a swooshhh like a huge wave and leaves you dangling and wondering if you going to come up for air, or just enjoy the ride…mmm?

Balance… is one way of looking at it, which I clearly have no sense of control or obedience. Its like you mind is telling you one thing but your heart is saying another. And I feel im in it for the right purpose, yet I allow myself to delve too deep that I can’t get out because I enjoy being consumed… (Shy face) That does sound a bit freaky but once you in my position, believe me it’s a total different ball game.

Then I have my guardian angels, friends and not forgetting my sister who are ringing and singing to me on a daily basis, and I thank you for drilling the important decisions into my head, which I know deep down I’ll have to sit down and draw up a checklist some time soon of myself and how much of what I’m doing is for me and whether or not I’m actually growing out of my experiences.

So… how much is enough? I don’t know, I think its different for every individual but the sometimes its not about the quantity or the quality, its just about knowing who you are as an individual and making sure you stay true to yourself and truthful to others.. and that way I don’t think you could go wrong. Well, I think I just answered my own question for today, lol!

Until Next Time… Chow Bela 

Much Luv… Mish.Dish

How does one Infuse a BIG IDEA into something small?

Lots have been going through my head since 2011 has landed… things that make me tick in the dark, gives me restless nights and won’t leave me alone, and these are my ideas rolling all over my head. Ideas come to mind, big gigantic mind popping ideas… and then I get stuck. WHY? Because in life they say one has to start out small ventures and move and grow into much bigger ventures. BUT… how do you think small when the big totally overpowers your thinking, so much that if you do something small, you feel dissatisfied and well I tend to disagree. Like, what to I do with a big idea in my head that could set out atomic raptures of excitement and delight and blow away people purely because of a brilliantly thought out idea that rippled off into a big one.

The question still pends in my head as what should I do? Do I think small for now and then think big later… or think big IDEA and become big? Yes, I know there are so many risks involved in starting up something new, but is that why life was bestowed unto us…? To live fully whole heartedly, take risks, hence dream and think BIG!

Or may be if I knew some genius who could take the Big Idea and stall it until I am ready to utilize it effectively…I think that could work?

My mind is like a galaxy of stars whereby each star represents an idea or a pathway of my life. And with that I try to integrate a lifestyle that will suit me magnificently…lol

Bottom line: I have an Idea, and I need people to believe in my idea and that it could actually work and together we both enter a new sphere of being great, adding new meaning to our lives and especially others. I do believe that if you are able to think big enough to accommodate the bigger picture, everything else will follow… that’s if you have belief streaming through your veins…grrrrrrrrrrrr… you feel me?

Well, with further or do, let me get cracking with ideas and hope it leads me to a bigger and better sphere of life.

Much Luv
Mish.Dish

The Break-up...

One always tends to think that getting yourself out of some or other situation is as easy as pie....but in fact its not that easy at all.

We keep telling ourselves that its going to be fine, but deep down we just can't face the truth about life and that its time to turn over a new page.

I find myself stuck right now, as I'm trying to do the right thing by not allowing myself to delve into the victim role where one ends up not being able to get out of.

I've been killing time in terms of dealing with my emotions by meeting new people and always being out on the go. Its like I'm so scared to face them (my emotions that is) because I might just fall back into the temptation hole and get back together with my partner of 4 years.

There has to be another way of doing this... but only I'm able to decipher my way out of this situation. I mean how does one show compassion and love to an ex partner without giving them hope inside that things will work out. Its so freaking hard for me as I still find myself loving him, but not inlove with him. And when I'm in a quiet space, our memories flash before me which leaves me missing him and totally confused.

The only thing really keeping me sane at this moment are special friends who have entered into my life and that have been very supportive and understanding.

All I know right now, is that deep down in my heart all I'm seeking for is unconditional love and peace within myself.

Much Luv...Mish.Dish