Jealousy makes you nasty... :(

Today has been a very frustrating morning for me as I had lots on my mind and things I needed to get off my chest, but for some or other reason it always seems to come out the wrong way... DAM!!!!

It's like trying to tell someone in a nice way that there's a booger(aka snot) in there nose but you just don't know no how, but if you don't tell them, then it bugs you the whole freaking time until you or someone else tells that someone... So lets just say this how my story goes, but a tad bit in depth.

Ok... how do I put this in words? This is so hard because I feel like an absolute nut after my actions, but if I didn't say anything it would have eaten me alive, so what was I suppose to do?

Like most of us all know, Blackberry with its BBM and many other social network applications is busy taking over the world, and is the new fad in cell phones and its going to be booming for a while I see, and... well I don't have Blackberry and due to these phones I felt left out, which I shouldn't have felt... but I did, and now that I have spoken out, my actions just made me feel bleh!!! But I was just being honest, to my friends and myself.

SO yes, I got a bit jealous because other people could BBM with each other and mixt together and I couldn't, and by my jealousy acting out, friends were affected by this and I feel horrible. Was it really just my jealousy acting out, or was I actually genuine by saying you need to know where to draw the line. Maybe me liking someone had more to do with it, and the fact that I like to be paid attention to. I mean its normal to be jealous right... arr now I'm feeling even more SH**TIer.




I just feel like hibernating and never be seen again!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR (busy clenching my teeth and lips, with a big sigh...)

..................................................... I'm sorry..................... but if I didn't tell you, it would just have killed my whittle voice inside.



Mish.Dish

Withdrawal Symptoms…of L

I guess we’ve all experienced withdrawal symptoms of some sort like: not smoking for weeks your body begins to crave the nicotine, or smoking weed, and you become moody and crabby because this substance that was once there to satisfy a need has been taken away without any substitution.

Where am I going with this… well, have you ever had withdrawal symptoms of love. One moment you’re in this whirlpool of scattered love and affection, and the next absolute silence and starvation from it. It’s like you won the lottery, but you then lose your ticket and you can’t believe that it’s gone…arrrrrr :(

So my question is how does one substitute an overwhelming feeling of butterflies zooming in your tummy, endless laughing and smiling, and endless sharing and caring, touching, smooching and hugging, absorbing and exchanging each others fragrant scents and bodily heat?… shhhu that’s was a mouthful.




The first day without it is like a cringe that won’t leave your stomach, because what was once tummy butterflies, is now an empty stomach that waiting to be fed. And the missing part.. OMG the missing has to be the cherry on top. Knowing that person is there, but saddening knowing you cannot have any access or contact with this person until further notice.

How have I dealt with it? Well, I’m writing down my thoughts right now, what I would be saying to this person, and just allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling and feeling OK feeling what I’m feeling hahahaha if that makes any sense.

It’s weird and amazing how the heart grows fonder and yonder the longer the days, hour’s minutes, seconds go by… tick tock, hickery dock…lol. Honestly this is very hard for me because I’ve never met someone who would sacrifice time out just so that I can sort my life out. He’s special, a keeper indeed, but we’ll have to see if this keeper wants to keep me… (Crossing my fingers)

Oh well, enough said, hope I have enlightened and eased those withdrawal symptoms a little bit.

Until next time… Chow Bella!

Xoxo… Mish.Dish :)

Gestures of Love and Hate!

Last night, 15 Jan, 2011, it came to my attention how important gestures are. As you know, a gesture is a form of non-verbal communication, and its always interpreted in many different ways, depending on your cultures as well as where in the world you come from.

And its funny how we project ourselves using gestures of hate and love and not even knowing it. I am in admiration for those who spread gestures of love as it emits and lights up a room, sending off a positive sense of love, feeling and affection to your partner, using only forms of non-verbal-nism. If expressed in an act of true love, one immediately picks up these energies and somehow it spreads to those who share love or are in-love with their partners. It's an amazing feeling... yeah I've felt it. I am totally besotted with gestures of love, and God could not have created anything else this special as being able to express oneself only using your mind, body and soul. ooooh I'm getting tingling feelings now hahaha.

Then on the flip-side, are the gestures of hate. Its such a crude and rude way of expressing oneself especially when you enter a new environment of people and the welcoming of your presence is not that forthcoming. You immediately tense up in your shoulders, as you endure the 'if looks could kill, I would be six feet under' gesture. All that is needed are your facial gestures, especially eyes that daunt down at you expressing thoughts of 'who the F**K are you, and what the F***k you doing here?'.

In a nutshell, that is how powerful gestures are, especially when you go about throwing them around randomly without giving thought of what you are actually doing.

Morale of gestures, when you love someone, don't hold back how you feel, show it. Kiss , Love, Feel, Touch, Smile, Laugh, and know that actions speak the loudest and it shows much more than thought out words. Mmm... but as far as Hate gestures go, I guess one may show his/ emotions when angry, but try not to enforce any type of abuse towards your partner, because then that gesture of anger turns into a violent act which and that is never a good thing.

I think I should've made my heading gestures of love rather hey?... Anyway, here is a quote of love, that should keep you pondering and on your toes for a while.


"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine



Have an awesome day... Chow Bella :)

How much is Enough?

Mmmm… I’ve been trying to get my head over and under the whole concept of being with someone and knowing if you should or should not give all, or how much is needed to create a recipe out of ingredients and ensuring it comes out maniafique?

Its weird how people enter in and out of your life leaving a tattoo of remembrance and experience, yet I always try to figure it out before it figures me out… and then it come flying back to hit my ass because of over analyzing my situation… if that makes any sense. I hate it if people are able to figure me out before I have even begun figuring them out… I mean am I really that transparent.. or maybe just handing myself out too quickly to people.

Yes, I guess it’s all a learning curve we go through, but how does one enjoy something with someone, not wanting to move fast, yet still finding that imbalance of crazy summer loving. Its hits you with a swooshhh like a huge wave and leaves you dangling and wondering if you going to come up for air, or just enjoy the ride…mmm?

Balance… is one way of looking at it, which I clearly have no sense of control or obedience. Its like you mind is telling you one thing but your heart is saying another. And I feel im in it for the right purpose, yet I allow myself to delve too deep that I can’t get out because I enjoy being consumed… (Shy face) That does sound a bit freaky but once you in my position, believe me it’s a total different ball game.

Then I have my guardian angels, friends and not forgetting my sister who are ringing and singing to me on a daily basis, and I thank you for drilling the important decisions into my head, which I know deep down I’ll have to sit down and draw up a checklist some time soon of myself and how much of what I’m doing is for me and whether or not I’m actually growing out of my experiences.

So… how much is enough? I don’t know, I think its different for every individual but the sometimes its not about the quantity or the quality, its just about knowing who you are as an individual and making sure you stay true to yourself and truthful to others.. and that way I don’t think you could go wrong. Well, I think I just answered my own question for today, lol!

Until Next Time… Chow Bela 

Much Luv… Mish.Dish

How does one Infuse a BIG IDEA into something small?

Lots have been going through my head since 2011 has landed… things that make me tick in the dark, gives me restless nights and won’t leave me alone, and these are my ideas rolling all over my head. Ideas come to mind, big gigantic mind popping ideas… and then I get stuck. WHY? Because in life they say one has to start out small ventures and move and grow into much bigger ventures. BUT… how do you think small when the big totally overpowers your thinking, so much that if you do something small, you feel dissatisfied and well I tend to disagree. Like, what to I do with a big idea in my head that could set out atomic raptures of excitement and delight and blow away people purely because of a brilliantly thought out idea that rippled off into a big one.

The question still pends in my head as what should I do? Do I think small for now and then think big later… or think big IDEA and become big? Yes, I know there are so many risks involved in starting up something new, but is that why life was bestowed unto us…? To live fully whole heartedly, take risks, hence dream and think BIG!

Or may be if I knew some genius who could take the Big Idea and stall it until I am ready to utilize it effectively…I think that could work?

My mind is like a galaxy of stars whereby each star represents an idea or a pathway of my life. And with that I try to integrate a lifestyle that will suit me magnificently…lol

Bottom line: I have an Idea, and I need people to believe in my idea and that it could actually work and together we both enter a new sphere of being great, adding new meaning to our lives and especially others. I do believe that if you are able to think big enough to accommodate the bigger picture, everything else will follow… that’s if you have belief streaming through your veins…grrrrrrrrrrrr… you feel me?

Well, with further or do, let me get cracking with ideas and hope it leads me to a bigger and better sphere of life.

Much Luv
Mish.Dish

The Break-up...

One always tends to think that getting yourself out of some or other situation is as easy as pie....but in fact its not that easy at all.

We keep telling ourselves that its going to be fine, but deep down we just can't face the truth about life and that its time to turn over a new page.

I find myself stuck right now, as I'm trying to do the right thing by not allowing myself to delve into the victim role where one ends up not being able to get out of.

I've been killing time in terms of dealing with my emotions by meeting new people and always being out on the go. Its like I'm so scared to face them (my emotions that is) because I might just fall back into the temptation hole and get back together with my partner of 4 years.

There has to be another way of doing this... but only I'm able to decipher my way out of this situation. I mean how does one show compassion and love to an ex partner without giving them hope inside that things will work out. Its so freaking hard for me as I still find myself loving him, but not inlove with him. And when I'm in a quiet space, our memories flash before me which leaves me missing him and totally confused.

The only thing really keeping me sane at this moment are special friends who have entered into my life and that have been very supportive and understanding.

All I know right now, is that deep down in my heart all I'm seeking for is unconditional love and peace within myself.

Much Luv...Mish.Dish