To new Beginnings...

As tough as it may seem at times, new beginnings is always a positive way to turn your life around and make it worth every second.

From a 4 year long term relationship, to broken relationships, to long distant non - workable relationships, I find myself in limbo land wondering where to from here on out...?

It's weird how we tend to give too much of ourselves so quickly, hoping its what was set out or meant to be for us, only to realise half way through the journey that it was all just a hoax. That's probably the biggest part of the heartache and one of many bigger life lessons learnt in the process.

The question that always remains after the big term 'ITS OVER NOW' is where to from here. Your mind is puzzled and all fuzzled with decisions spiralling out of control like a roller coaster ride that has no ending. You think to yourself what is it that went wrong, when in actual fact it was never you to begin with.

To simplify: It's like a preacher that comes to you and bestows all these blessings and wishes upon your life promising life to be perfect and full of prospering growth - but in the end not even half of these wishes are fulfilled, because they just wanted to get you into a space of where they were, and live their dream of holliness. That is their dream, and might not be yours at all, but they make you think it's what's best for you at the time...

I'm not saying its wrong, but its always the way in which you bestow or say things to another person that allows you to think everything will be fine and perfect and happy ever after, and forget we are all individuals and all have a different perspective of life.

Same with men - they sculpt a picture that looks all happy and happy and more happiness, only to find out in the end it was in their best interest for you to assist them in fulfilling their dream, and you were just a prop at the time to satisfy that fantasy or dream.

U think you never ever learn, but you do, even it takes you ten times to make the same mistake, you do realise it eventually and become the better and stronger person. Take the good and bad that came from your experience.

Today I begin a new chapter in my life, and reflect upon 2011 and what it has taught me about living my life for me, and not for the next person. Sounds selfish hey.. I know but in this day and age, you and only you hold the keys to your complete happiness. If you happy from within, you don't need anyone else to please you. A companion is always wonderful, but remember he can't always make you happy, but ultimately its up to you to discover that inner core of happiness that shines from within!

I hope this made you feel stronger.

Have an awesome Monday my sisters and misters,

Ciao Bella :)

Mish Dish

I'm taking my heart back... and I'm not looking back!

Oh love, love, love... where for art though love? Maybe a lover?... or and In-Lover?... Nope, just where is my love!

Heart, heart, heart... where for art my heart?... Maybe stolen, beaten, bruised and unattended to?... Spot on!

Well, today I've decided to take my heart back and hold it close to me for a while, before I allow my heart to be stolen, and taken advantage of again. Its taken me a long while to realize this, but like with everything else, this was a major WAKEY WAKEY CALL FOR ME!

LESSON LEARNED:Its OK to fall in love with someone, just remember not to set your heart on him/her because they might just be sent you for a certain time period in your life, and then you have to let them go. I know, its sounds very cruel and heartless to at one glance, fall in love, experience feelings and adventures you've never experienced, and all of sudden you just have to give it all up.

Well trust me, it happens... just ask me! I fell in love, met a guy that complemented me if every sense, so much, he stole my heart, from top to bottom, left to right, up and down lol. He made me smile, laugh again and just re-discover my inner core of who I was again.

It was as if an angel was sent to me and fulfilled all my wishes that I once upon a time wished for in my life.

As soon as he had fulfilled his purpose, he was snatched away from in a blink of an eye, like flashlight. The funny thing is, as much as we tried to work on it, it would just back-fire every time, one backlog and hiccup, one after the other.

The sad realization is that in the end, I was left to fend on my own, with no heart :(
After the realization, I knew I had to let go... and I have, and with that I got my heart back as well.

If you shared a similar experience, I hope this will help you to move on and reclaim your heart.. after all --- its your dam HEART!

Have an awesome Weekend!

Until next time
Chow Bella :)

The Changes in our lives ...

Life has its funny wonderous ways of teaching us many lessons through the upheavils and times of darkness as well as times of happyiness; either way during those times, it is imperative to observe how you as the individual are becoming either wiser, or backwards, but theres always change.

Many people try and avoid the fact that change is all around us, and as much as we try to divert away from that fact, you can't avoid it for much longer or it will eat you up.

I'm not saying you have to change your ways,habbits, rituals or belief systems, all I ask of you is to be aware of the change that is taking place, and if this change appeals to you, grasp and learn from it, and if not, you may reject it. But the main concept of it all is not to live in slumber and watch the world move forward while you are still at the same place where you were ten years ago, because that seems to be the attitude amongst a lot of black and coloured vicinities. WHY WHY WHY?

Could it be the low energy density in Cape Town or a mindset? Both play an important role, but in order to get through this life, one needs to be a fighter and never give up, hence change your mindset and to always have a back-up plan.

Fear is at our all feet all the time, but through change you can decide to rise above and defeat fears, and once you've dealt with fear, you can focus on you and building you as a person and what you stand for in this world.

Change is here, so if you want that change... MAKE THAT CHANGE, NEVER TOO LATE TO START OVER!!!

I hope I could inspire you today.

Until next time...

Ciao Bella :)
Mish.Dish

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

As with every women, we all succumb to needs that we cannot satisfy ourselves. Then their comes a time in your life when you feel completed fulfilled and happy, and then suddenly what you feel starts to fade out, not because you stopped loving or being in love, but more because the opposite party decided to retract and kind of do what they want then they want... and that's where the problem always starts.

How can you expect two people to have a common ground when 90% of time , you are the one putting in the effort, communicating effectively, being there for that someone in time of need, yet you don't feel you getting anything in return. You then reach a point of being drained out of exhaustion because you put your all into this partnership... question is, when is it enough?

On the one hand, you feel its pointless pursuing something that is headed to nomadic and sadic end, so why prolong the inevitable? Well, that's where my weakness resurfaces every time, I think I have too much hope and expectation of people, I forget what my expectations were in the first instance and why I decided to take that leap.

Mmmmm, I won't lie to you, but this is a tough decision, because in breaking a chain, you have to deal with what was created and nourished, the love and bond that transpires with getting to know someone, growing with that person, then all of a sudden smack bam, it has to come to and end.

One must never put one's happiness aside to accommodate and nurture your partners happiness. All it does is create frustration and you end up hating that person more because you wanted to pursue it, knowing you had the choice to end it, heal and move on.

At this stage, anger and fury still lingers in me, but I think I know what I have to do in order to deal and be happy again.

Until next time... Chow Bella :)

To be heartless... or full of heart...

Why is it that people who cross paths with us are never as we make them out to be in the first instance...? Like how much anger and pain does it take any human being to become heartless and ruthless person?

I've been hurt, one too many times, yet when an opportunity arises to love, I love completely and not selfishly. But then you find people who place guards up to protect their heart, in order never to be hurt again by the opposite sex. Whats-up with that though?

Yes, so people can hurt you over and over and over again, thereby breaking your heart, but think of all the love you are able to receive if you just allow yourself to feel again? The best feeling in life is that robust of warmth in your heart, knowing someone out there really cares and loves you for who you are, and doesn't judge or need status to complete what you share as individuals.

But here's the glitch... what if the person is too scared allow himself to love again whole heartedly, then you in return, are faced with a cold heartless person, who puts up their guards when they feel like love is starting to consume them? Then, the one who is releasing all the love one could possibly wish for, will possibly hurt more than the heartless person... so are heartless people then out there just to hurt and be selfish? And is it a safer detour just to be heartless, therefore know feelings could ever really, honesty, truely develop?

I don't know, you figure it out, because I'm still figuring that one out.

I am who I am, and I am full of love, and will continue to spread my unconditional love to the world!

Until next time

Chow Bella :)

Do you ever really forget????

The whole creation of life and being on earth can be very complicated and construed sometimes, especially the part of experiencing heart-ache and pain and wondering if you'll ever get over it.

I'm writing this because I don't know how to reach out to someone who has once consumed my heart completely. I've realised that life has to go on and that broken promises are not worth waiting on. Now that its over, he's life is falling apart and here I'm still standing and feeling completely guilty and responsible for his life.

Heart-ache is the Mutha- Fusher, but the only way to heal from it is to reside and feel what needs to be felt, experience each heart broken- ness and grow from it.

I've come to realise sometimes that we have to make the crudest decisions in life, even though it was never the intention of hurting someone else, because we all have paths we are destined for and by allowing people to hold you back from it is just unhealthy.

This is my wish and prayer to you: I hope that you can find it your heart some day to forgive me for hurting you this way, but know that it was done out of pure and good reason and nothing else. All I ever wanted for you was to be the best that you could be, and now that I'm gone, you seem to have no hope inside of you. I pray that your guardian angels and Arch-angel Micheal will help and guide you in the right path, now that I'm not there anymore.

Remember that what we've shared, it will always be there, never to be forgotten, a remembrance of the good times and not the bad, but I think its time we move on and see where that pot of gold is waiting for us?

I wish you the best for your future endeavours and hope that you will come back onto the right path soon.

Until next time... Ciao Bella

The Best moments in life are free.

1 February 2011@ 11.45pm

It’s the things that reside closest to our hearts that are most memorable, unforgettable, laughable and most importantly cherish-able. These are the moments in our life when we share memories and ideas with the people dear and closest to you, or just random people who brighten your day.

With that said, all the things that make us happy comes form within, and not money or wealth could necessarily fill those gaps when it comes to happiness.

SO what is my point to all of this, well I had one of those crazy- mad- hilarious -fun and entertaining night with a dear friend that’s close to me. This was one of those nights where anything and everything that could possibly go wrong… went wrong!!! But it was all fun and laughs, until he dropped me off at home and his car wouldn’t start. Well, I didn’t quite know this until I was almost in my house…

I was just about to close my front door, and suddenly, I hear this jerking sound and if I’m not mistaken, the ignition of a car going off but not hearing any car starting up. Then I realized that it was my friend whose car wouldn’t start.

One thing you have to understand is that I stay in a close, meaning there are houses all around the road, hence close proximity to noise would or could awake me fellow neighbors. But let’s cut to the chase… due to the watch dogs in my road, they were not very familiar with a new person in funny car, therefore began to bark, and like wild fire, they awoke the rest of the neighborhood dogs… people, you cannot even begin to fathom the craziness that was taking place in my road …lovl.. and this early hours of the morning.

So picture this: a guy pushing his car back and fourth then hopping back into his car and start it up lol. Arrr, I know… I felt bad, and then eventually I rocked up and decided to pitch in. Just to add to the scandal as he jumped out of his car… Wham Bam*%$^#@R$%^%^.. Kaaa-baaah- knocks his head on the sharp edge of the door.. EINA!!!! I couldn’t help myself but to burst out laughing.

Anyway, then he went along giving me instructions how to start up the car and me trying to comprehend all of this at 2.00am the morning. My tummy was literally in stitches but what I enjoyed most that we eventually got the car started, worked as a team and had no hard feelings. There was no Ego tripping or name calling because you were either too stupid or dump to comprehend, it was just making the most of the situation and what a better way that through laughter and smiles. I laughed, he laughed, we made a spectacle, but what the heck, that’s what makes my life that interesting and entertaining at the end of the day.

To conclude my story, I wouldn’t trade a memory like last night for something material, because material things are there to use and once they’ve served there purpose you throw them away and find a replacement; whereas moments and memories are constant reminders of things that make us both happy and sad, but the happy ones are the best ones.

I know this was a long one, but I hope I have inspired you to always cherish the fun and priceless moments in life.

Until I next time… Chow Bella :)

Mish.Dish